Potential

My parents are not one to soften their words, and sometimes what they say to me hurts, but I've also learned to bear it and listen, because they know what they're talking about, and they're often right.

All this semester, I've been looking for "my best". I've never had to do my best in order to do well before, and so the question this year has been, what is my best? How hard do I have to work in order to feel satisfied with how well I do, because I did "my best"? And I thought I found it. But no, I haven't.

I told my parents that my thoughts so far have been "I won't kill myself for that A".
Their reply was "you need to learn to kill yourself for what you want."

Mengsha, what you want is good. You have a good dream. But what you want is not easy. If you wanted to be a doctor or an accountant or a teacher, you would be fine. The world needs endless doctors and accountants and teachers. But no, the path you chose - they will not take just anyone. They only take the best. Because they only need a few, so they can afford to take only the top. It's not a matter of honor or pride, but of survival. On the path you chose, if you're not one of the best, you might not have a job, or at least not the job you want. They hold you to a certain standard, a certain level of knowledge that you have to surpass. You probably won't find a job coming out of college, only at the PhD level will you really reach your dream. If you want it that much, you need to kill yourself for it.

With this internship search, I've been learning how hard this path is all semester. And since I'm planning to graduate in three years, that gives me even less time to settle in and find "my best" and to establish myself. I need to get this right, now.

They know my potential, and they're right. I haven't seen my best yet.

Last semester better not have been my best.