Prayer of a Human

God, you see how weak I am. How insistent are the desires of my flesh, how I am ashamed to call out to you and afraid because I don't want you to help me. I am afraid to succeed. I know that once you have given me your power I will have no excuse to let my desires overcome me, for You are more than enough to overcome them.

I confess, I want to keep sinning. And I don't want you to stop me, because I have tried time and time again to battle my sin with my own power and with Your name on my tongue, and time and time again I succeed for a time and then lapse again. And it hurts. And I'm tired.

And sinning feels so good.

I know that not all of my heart is yours; that I've been keeping a corner of it to myself. I think, this is my weakness. I can afford this sin and still love others. God will keep forgiving me. But I also know that a part of me doesn't believe it's a sin at all. And that it's okay.

God, this is my prayer and my confession. Please, find that part of me that is yours, and make it known to me. Sometimes I don't even think it exists, but it cried out to you last night. I know I would not have, on my own. It might have cried out in anger and in rebellion, but it was anger at you, and rebellion of you. That small part of me, God, believes in and fears you. I'm sorry it isn't more.

I can't bring myself to ask for help, because I'm afraid you'll hear me. I can't admit in words that I want to try again. Please see through the words, Lord, that I don't have the strength to say.

Amen.