2. If I like him, I say so. He appreciates it. There's no confusion, no apprehension. If he doesn't like me back, oh well, now I know. And chances are my feelings haven't developed enough to be too hurt about this, and since I haven't asked him out, there's no rejection.
3. I don't deny how I feel. Attraction is separate from wanting to date. I can like him and not really care if I date him or not. If the attraction is mutual, I might agree to give it a try, but if I like him and don't think he's compatible, I won't date him.
4. I'm not afraid to say I love you, or to hear it. If he doesn't feel the same, I'm okay with waiting. It's not something you can force, and I wouldn't want to. If I don't reciprocate the feeling, I will say so, and I expect him not to be offended.
5. There no such thing as going "too fast" or "too slow". Each relationship is different and completely depends on what the two parties are comfortable with. I will ask him straight out "what are you comfortable with?" I make it clear that he can always tell me if he feels uncomfortable and I will always speak up and stop him if he's reaching my boundaries. As the relationship continues and boundaries recede I will continue to ask "is this okay?" And he will always have the option of saying "no," and I will expect to also retain that right.
6. I'm honest about my needs, and I expect the same of him. I try not to be offended be any of these needs, whether alone time, time with friends, discussion about a disagreement, change of behavior, or extra attention and comfort.
7. I encourage his relationships with his friends and family. I won't stop him from spending time with the guys or with his parents, and that helps my relationship with his friends and parents also.
8. I do not belong to him, and he does not belong to me. He is not the most important thing in my life, especially at this age. We are together until (if ever) we break up, but my education and career will affect my entire life. I will support and encourage him in his goals, and I expect the same from him. Him telling me that is goal in life is to marry me, or discouraging me from pursuing my goals for any reason, is a deal-breaker. He does not dictate my goals, my appearance, or how I live my life.
9. I believe that every serious relationship has to confront long distance at some point, so I don't see the point to breaking up just because one person's opportunities are taking them elsewhere. However, at a certain point the relationship gets serious enough that I will start taking location into consideration when accepting opportunities.
10. I expect both parties to put active effort into the growth of the relationship and growth as an individual. The relationship is not my highest priority, but it is a priority.
11. Disagreements should strengthen the relationship. One disagreement is not a good enough reason to break up. Neither is one unsavory personality trait. I consider these small problems that can and should be discussed and compromised on.
12. "I met someone else" is also not a good reason to break up. If I develop feelings for someone else while in a relationship I will be honest about them and not act on them, but they probably reflect problems in the relationship, which should be talked about.
13. I will discuss any reasons I might have to break up before it happens, and I will try to solve the problem to the best of my ability, because no matter what bad experiences we had, we had many good experiences, too and we both deserve the benefit of the doubt.
14. I won't get back together with an ex unless the reason that we broke up is resolved. I've never experienced this last one, but it just seems logical to me. Otherwise, won't we just break up again for the same reasons?
Of course, these are just my own philosophies. They might take a lot of the drama and mystery away from relationships, but to me, that's a good thing.
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