Letter to my ex-boyfriend

Dear ex-boyfriend,

I think that up until now, I was too hurt by the hurtful things you said to me to cry about breaking up with you. You said them on purpose, too, because you wanted me to hurt as much as you hurt, but it just made me more sure that breaking up with you was the right thing to do.

Don't get me wrong. I loved you. There was never doubt of that. I loved the way you played music and how into the arts you were. I loved that you were sensitive sometimes to crying when you heard a piece. I loved that you made romantic gestures. I loved that we could talk about our disagreements and come out stronger.

I broke up with you because for the last 6 months of our relationship, a lot of those things went away. You were so tired and burned out from junior year. I'm still convinced it was the right thing to do. You valued honor and justice. I valued love and mercy. You were possessive and jealous and easy to anger, and I was, and am still, untameable. But mostly, the age difference became too great. No matter how much you said that you knew what college is like, you couldn't have, really, or you would've understood why I spent so much of my time doing so many things, rather than talking to you. When I imagine you now, I see a boy, not a man. It would never have worked out.

But when I went to get my things back from you, the facade you built up around yourself slipped, and I saw the boy I loved for just a moment, and realized that I hurt you very badly, and that's why I'm writing this now. Because I realize I hurt you. And although breaking up was inevitable, I wish it could've hurt you less.

Mengsha