Making friends

There is an interesting kind of stress, going to a small school. It's the stress of making friends and meeting people. When you're new in college, and you're in a big group, your eyes will often skin the room and look for someone who is like you, or unlike you, or has whatever qualities you look for in a friend. You make contact, and sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn't. In the event that it doesn't, you may never have to make eye contact with them again, it is only so awkward. You enter a new space, and you try again. There is very little risk involved. 

At a small school, however, everything is different. When you know you're going to see the same 13 people for five years, being inoffensive becomes so much more important. Being polite to strangers or people in your class project group becomes so important. You never know when you'll run into them again, or how closely you'll be working with them in the future. You might never see the person you sit next to on the first day of orientation again, until they join your lab. Even if you don't get along, you can't really let it show. It always helps to be friendly. But how much of yourself are you letting out there, if you watch what you say all the time? How close can you get to another person if you're always afraid to offend them? 

It's even harder when you're all expected to be in lab all the time. It's hard to make friends there, because you're afraid to make enemies. You're going to be stuck with those relationships for years, after all. And friends outside of lab, how often do you see them, anyway?

Or maybe this nervousness is just me.