The messed up state of relationships in China, Part 3

I was recently reminded that I promised a part three to this. It will probably be about as accurate/inaccurate as my first two posts, but here we go.

When I first started living on the west coast, I realized that in the liberal parts of america, monogamy is not always expected. It is possible to communicate with your partners that you would like to explore other sexual avenues than that person: having an open relationship, going to a swinger's club, threesomes, just to name a few. With communication and the consent of your partner, these things become acceptable. Maybe not to society at large, but at least to your relationship.

China seems to be the opposite.

One of my relatives recently got divorced because her husband had cheated on her with a younger woman from work. This relative has a 7 year-old son, who knows the other woman as "dad's coworker," even though she now lives part time with the father. Children that age always see more that you let on, though. It's extremely unfair to the child, and, it seemed to me, unfair to the wife.

When I brought up this sense of unfairness with my mom, she said, "how do you know she didn't cheat on him?"

Maybe I'm naive, but I was shocked that you can't assume people would be loyal to their spouses. My mother then told me that another close relative had once cheated on her husband (she has since divorced) with her boss, because that was the required bribe for a promotion.

You hear rumors of this in the entertainment industry in the United States, but Hollywood is not exactly representative of the US.

The problem in China is not restricted to just one sector. It seems to be prevalent no matter what kind of job you have. In a culture where there are way more qualified young people than jobs, and where monetary bribes and gifts are already prevalent, it's horrifying but not surprising. Trading sex for a job seems mainly to be a problem restricted to women. Men have a different problem.

In order to move up in the company as a man, sometimes you have to cheat on your spouse. There are many women who move to big cities in order to be the "second wives" of these men, who will often buy them an apartment and give them allowances, all while staying married. Why does this happen? Because when you rise in a company, you probably will find things out about your boss. In order to trust you for a promotion, you need to feed him blackmail material, often in the form of having an affair.

I don't know how many first wives know about these affairs. If they don't, then this is the state of messed up-ness: society expects you to have an open relationship without the consent of your partner.