Counting down

I've been crying to much lately. It seems like I'm counting down until the end of the school year, until I leave for college. Except, it's not as exciting as it seems.

Well, part of me is still excited. I'm going to get myself a laptop, I'll be independent, I've been making my own money and even helping my parents out a little, financially. It just hit my mom that I'm leaving, and I'm on better terms with her nowadays; we don't argue as much. This couldn't have been the case two years ago??

But now, I'm not sure I want to leave. Sure, over Thanksgiving, I was already missing my family, but not so much as now. And not only that, I'm leaving all my friends behind, too. They're all going to Northwestern, or the University of Chicago, or UIUC, or UIC. All except Paige, and she'll be going to Houston or Pittsburgh, and I'll be all the way across the US from her, in California. Course, the weather will be nice, I'm psyched about the classes (of course ^^) and I can't wait, but part of me just want to stay here.

I don't usually cry in school, and I don't usually cry in front of my friends, but I did today, in P.E. class, of all places. I was talking to David about leaving and what God wants us to do out there. God is calling him to join the military after school, and that's the path he's on right now. It's difficult. He's int he opposite position as me, his best friend is in my grade and she's leaving with me next year, leaving him behind.

I wonder, is it better to stay here with all the reminders of everyone who left, or to go and not have any reminders at all?

This is too depressing. I am going to have fun at college and that's that. And if I get homesick sometimes, well, everyone does. I'll survive, we'll all survive, and we'll learn loads out there, come back, and share it with each other.