Fear and Desire

I want to be in a relationship because I'm happier with that person than I am without them.

Not because I'm afraid to break up.
Not because I promised we'd stay together.
Not because I want to be part of that 10% that marries their high school sweethearts.
Not because it's become the status quo.

I want to be in a relationship because I trust that person and feel safe around them.

Not because I'm afraid to ask you to compromise.
Not because you make the problems disappear by looking away.

Why?
Why do I care what you think even now?
Why when I write these things do I try to predict your reaction...in fear?
Fear?
Because it's so important to me that you react well? So important that you don't laugh off my problems and just accept me? Even if I sound crazy?
Why do I think I sound crazy? There's always a reason for fear and discomfort. I am NOT CRAZY.
I think I belittle my own problems now...which is just sad. I belittle my own discomfort in case...you...don't want to deal with them...

I want a relationship where I am not afraid to be honest, where we both value honesty over whatever might displease the other. I want to know that you'll always be more pleased with me honestly admitting to something you don't like than hiding it from you. I don't want to be afraid anymore.

I want to be honest with myself and honest with you.

I want to be able to say no whether I have a good reason or not. I shouldn't need a good reason to say no.

I want to be able to say "let's take a break," and you'll say "why?" and consider it seriously. And if we decide that's what best for both of us as individuals, you'll be okay with this, whether it's easy or hard. Especially if it's hard.

I want a relationship where we can have differing opinions and respect our differences.

I want a relationship taken one day at a time, where we don't take each other for granted, where trust just means honesty...
I want a relationship where we don't presume forever, where honesty means that I know you love me because if you stop, you'll tell me the moment you realize it. And I will accept this. And maybe we will work it out, and maybe we won't.

I want a relationship where i accept you and you accept me. And that's all.